AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IN WHICH INSTEAD OF HANDS WE HAVE SPOONS

The office keyboards all have larger keys and they function more like xylophones.

Many gestures are scooping related: instead of waving, you present the concave side of your spoon; this is called 'caving’; the ancient Romans did this to signify that they did not have any stone bullets in their spoon.

Holding the convex side of your spoon out symbolizes distrust or secrecy; it is called 'vexing.’

Spooning is when you hold spoons; traditionally the woman fits her spoon-hand in the man's spoon-hand, though times are changing.

Flipping someone off is flicking your spoon convex side out at them; in ancient war times the dominant ranged weapon for centuries was the stone bullet, flung from the spoon-hand like a jai-alai scoop.

David did this to Goliath.

Some people have short stubby spoons, some have long slender spoons. Some spoons are a little flatter than others. Nobody really cares.

At the dinner table everyone wears specialized appendage extenders, with five long spindly bits projecting outward awkwardly from their spoons, allowing them to pick up individual things like asparagus stalks and pieces of meat. They call them ‘fingers,’ and everyone finds them incredibly silly.

jcb