ruminating on the office christmas party

i hate social situations

because

i forgot how to be happy

in groups.

or alone.

but especially in groups.

&

i am sorry for that,

for the sudden

grumpiness,

the cold bubbling

of anxiety like

frothy ocean waves

against rocky

shorelines.

i love people

but

i forget that they love me too.

&

i forget that i love me.

&

i forget how to be happy.

jcb