I very rarely remember my dreams, aside from trivial details, like dreams wherein I can’t find the remote control for the TV.  This dream, however, actually lasted a while and was pretty funny.  So, as an homage to Todd’s blog o’ dreams, here’s mine.  It, surprisingly, involves the Decemberists¹.

So I’m at a D’s concert, obviously, in a big, wide outdoor arena.  I was with friends, but I don’t remember who they were.  We got front row but way left, all the way to the edge. Yet, Colin was still somewhat center of me. Oh well.

They come out, people cheer. They start to play Hazards, but the song is all gibberish (in my head). Somehow my POV switches to a person’s video camera, which Colin has noticed and begins to sing to. It’s kind of fisheye-y.  As he sings, you can see he’s a little out of it, and he starts forgetting lyrics.  Then, out of the blue, he stops playing.  The whole band stops.  He says, “I’m sorry, but something’s not right” to the audience, then he and the other D’s proceed to pull Jenny’s organ station and Moen’s drums closer to the stage, basically putting the whole thing closer to the audience.  We erupt in cheers.

Then they start playing a really, really weird, psychedelic version of Hazards.  Everyone’s like, cool, but it’s barely audible through the speakers. So everyone starts shouting, “Turn it up!” and pointing their index fingers to the sky². There might’ve been booing involved, I don’t remember; what I do remember is Nate Query throwing his bass down, doing one of those loud whistles where you put your fingers in the corners of your mouth, and shouting, “You know what? FUCK YOU” and then leaving the stage.  I remember him wearing a weird black barbershop quartet hat, but it was black and had a lot of shiny jangly jangles on it — something, I assume, John Popper would wear.  Anyway, the rest of the band follows him offstage.

At this point I’m confused.  I turn and notice that my friends — and mostly everyone else — has left, marching in a giant swarm of humanoids towards the ticket office to demand a refund.  I hurry after them.  But about halfway there, I turn and look at the stage — and notice the D’s going back onstage and grabbing their instruments to play.  So I shout, “Looks like they’re coming back!” and suddenly there’s a stampede as everyone rushes back to the stage.  I’m running my ass off, thinking I’m gonna lose my sweet spot!

As I’m running I pass by a giant, gnarled foot, draped in a blue and yellow sundress (flowery pattern, I think) down to the ankle. I’m supposing this belonged to some giant woman, but I can’t confirm this because my alarm clock went off and woke me up.  And that’s my dream.

Finally, something interesting happens with my life, which means I can update my blog.  I feel bad, because my last blog was harping on Portlanders, calling them “two-dimensional.”  I should say some Portlanders are two-dimensional.  It was all tongue-in-cheek to begin with, I swear!

Anyway, this past weekend was, since Musicfest all the way back in September, my favorite weekend that I’ve had since moving to Portland.  Why was it my favorite weekend since moving here, you ask?  Because I got to see the Decemberists play twice, AND I GOT A BACKSTAGE PASS.

Read on, reader.

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Some things that have happened over the past few days:

- Went to Music Millennium to get my vinyl copy of the Decemberists’ The Hazards of Love signed by members of the band.  Very weird experience, especially after making this video/song in response to this tweet by Colin Meloy, the lead singer.  I couldn’t look him in the eyes for fear of catching a glimpse of recognition … That’s the guy who did “Linda”?

- After signing, proceeded to get completely trashed with my /orate friends at Paul’s house.  Like, drunker than drunk.  I’ll put it this way: I puked.  For the first time since I was, oh, eleven.  I am not proud of this whatsoever.  In fact, it’s kind of infuriating.  It was partially because I am used to parties with Keystone Light¹.  It’s not hard to pack away a few of those in a night and not feel anything.  But I was drinking good, strong beers, and I was drinking far too many of them. There is a video of us singing “The Rake’s Song” on YouTube but if you want to see it you’ll have to search it yourself, cause I sure as hell am not posting it.  Regardless, I am so drunk I’m on the floor, semi passed out. Ugh, it makes my stomach churn just thinking about it.  I had fun and I love my friends, but I refuse to be inebriated that much ever again (especially cause my dad reads my blog, for pete’s sake!).

- The next morning found me calling in sick to work².  I slept at Paul’s mom’s house, which is in the wilds of Gresham, and besides I was hungover.  Now this would not have been a big deal whatsoever … except that my brother decided to head into the clinic that same day to get a check.  So the following conversation occured:

BRO. Hey Boss, I’m here to get a check!
BOSS. Hi Josh’s brother!  How’s Josh doing?
BRO. He’s great.
BOSS. GREAT, HUH?
BRO. Yeah, I mean, I guess he’s great ’cause he didn’t come home last night.
BOSS. EGADS!

Meanwhile I’m at the Tin Shed on Alberta trying to determine if I really want to eat biscuits and gravy³.  When I went to work the next morning I wasn’t sure if everyone knew I played “hooky”⁴.  This made the bus ride rather worrisome — would I be tested?  Tricked with questions created to deceive?  Led astray by the same people who hired me?

Instead I found out that no one else knew besides my boss, and she gave me lighthearted shit about it all day long.  God I love my job so much⁵.

- This past weekend I traveled back to Boise, just to hang out and see my friends and family for a bit.  It was a lot of fun, and a lot of really interesting things came from it.  I saw a Snuggie for the first time ever.  I wore said Snuggie, complete with a wig.  I drank a lot.  I also found out that I am an idiot and should’ve pursued a particular woman in the past, rather than shrinking back and being a socially awkward nerd.  I couldn’t help it (at the time); I was broke and felt like a loser.  Now I don’t feel like a loser at all but I am in Portland and she is in Boise.  Ugh, it’s always something, isn’t it?

So, uh, if you’re reading this, dear lady, you know who you are and maybe you should move to Portland?  That would be awesome? kthxbai

- Oh, and recently I released a free single that you can download.  It’s called “Mary! (Get Frisky!)” and you can grab it from my other website.  Here is a picture that you can click that will help guide you to a favorable destination:

- OH AND MY DAD HAS A BLOG!  He is the coolest.  Check it out!  http://rockinjohnnyb.blogspot.com

Okay that’s all! Hooray!

colin talkin to some girls

I’m not shy about my love of the Decemberists.  At one point I owned five of their t-shirts and an assortment of CDs and vinyls (some of which were all but stolen by my ex-girlfriend), and I can play almost all of their discography on guitar, and know most of the lyrics by heart.  So when the time came for them to play the Crystal Ballroom, I was excited.  Like, little girl excited.  Little girl watching the end of American Idol excited.

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smoke 'em, gramma!

I really don’t have much to say, other than this will be my 100th post on the ol’ blog.  I think the transfer from my blogspot account was successful, wouldn’t you agree?

Tonight (in about an hour, really) I am going to see the Decemberists play at the Crystal Ballroom.  I have no money and yet I still got a ticket.  How, you ask?  Well a very nice lady from /orate gave me a ticket in exchange for a song.  Her name is Ashley and her username is Quag, and the song is called “Quaaaag”, and it’s all hers and no one else gets to hear it unless she allows it.  I think it’s a pretty good song, but she hasn’t responded to me yet so she might hate it.  Maybe she’s regretting the whole transaction in the first place.

Expect a review of the show on Trifecta tomorrow.

It’s going to be a lot of fun because there are a bunch of /orators who are going to be there, including one of the mods, mts.  Yes, I am a big nerd and have lots of friends on /orate who I know in real life now.  It’s cool, okay?  All the kids do it.

I also just ate a really delicious slice of pecan pie that my brother made.  It’s giving me a heart attack it was so good.

Anyway, I’m happy that I could grace your presence with 100 blog-filled posts.  Here’s hoping for 100 more!