So I recently was able to watch the six-episode first season of The Walking Dead, the AMC show about zombies based on the graphic novels of the same name. In general, I enjoyed them, a lot. I really love how the zombie genre has turned into stories of human character, rather than just horror stories of the undead prowling around trying to eat everyone. And six episodes is a good way to get in, establish characters, setting, and loose plotline, while not dragging on too long. Six episodes should be the default for first seasons, I think. You show what’s up, then you show that you’re good enough to last more than one season.

I haven’t read the graphic novels, but I certainly plan on doing so now, because there were aspects of the TV show that bugged me, and I want to see if they bug me in the books as well. Shane’s character arc went from genuinely thoughtful to “rapey” in two second flat. Basically, the last episode bugged me the most because, as I’ve heard, it deviated significantly from the comic books, and it turned a show about the struggles of a band of survivors into an action sequence, where the CDC explodes. Because decontamination = explosions.

The last two episodes just progressed too quickly, and dropped character investigation for more action, more surprises. And it turned Shane into a genuine character into a drunk and a potential rapist. While I understand that Shane has serious issues with being pushed aside as Lori’s husband returns from death, this flip was just too quick. Yes, six episodes is quick, but it also demonstrated the attitude of “get everything in because we might not have a second season,” which is just unfair to the audience. From the first episode alone, it’s obvious that AMC would pick up a second season. They got huge ratings from the show. Instead, we got drunk Shane and the CDC exploding.

Here’s another thing that really bugged me about the last episode. So Bruce Jenner locks up the place — okay, before that, people are enjoying themselves and Dr Jenner sits back, looking like he knows something, and also we see the ticking clock in the background … here’s my thing: why is Dr Jenner such a dick? Why wouldn’t he just say, “Listen, I’m running out of fuel for the generator” and give people enough time to maybe syphon some from their cars so they can keep the place running for a little while longer? Also, why doesn’t the goddamn COMPUTER say, “WARNING, GENERATOR FUEL LOW” at regular intervals?! What kind of building is this? An advanced computer capable of following detailed voice commands, but it won’t tell you that the GENERATOR IS RUNNING OUT OF FUEL?! Why just a digital countdown clock?! That’s not very advanced at all! I had a digital clock once — back in 1996! Come on, CDC! Get it together!

Anyway, so the lockdown happens, and Bruce is being a real dick (probably because now that zombies are everywhere, he can’t get a good run in), and then Rick convinces him to open the lockdown doors, but some people want to stay, because they think it’s better to die than to try to fend off zombies. These people are losers, but whatever. So it’s two people, Jacqui (whose name I got from Wikipedia, because who says it in the series?) and Andrea. Jacqui says she wants to stay and her husband? is pissed but she says it’s okay and so okay, we’ll leave her because we don’t have time for this shit. Then Andrea says she wants to stay, and SUDDENLY WE HAVE TIME FOR A PEP TALK. And moreover, Dale convinces Andrea to come along, but DOESN’T TRY TO CONVINCE JACQUI?! What is this bullshit?! Why did everyone just think, “Well, Jacqui doesn’t want to come, and she really didn’t do anything in this series anyway, so let’s just let her go.”

It really doesn’t help that she’s a black woman, either. Save the white girl, but let the black woman die. It would be great if there were time to navigate this territory, but instead we are given five minutes to Get the Fuck Out. So for the last episode, they chose action over character progression. It’s kind of lame, in my opinion.

Seriously, the last episode is so hastily put together it drives me nuts. They use a grenade to break the window to escape. A grenade breaks ONE window, with no surrounding damage. IT’S A GRENADE! That whole scene is so disappointing.

Argh, the scene with Dale and Andrea at the end drives me nuts. Who does that? It’s like they literally forgot about Jacqui. And then she and Bruce join hands before the CDC explodes, as though they were best friends all along. Don’t forget, Jacqui, and Dr Jenner PRETTY MUCH TRIED TO KILL YOU.

Anyway. Now that a second season has been commissioned, and all the writers leaving, I hope whomever they get to replace them will have better plotting skills than this. The first five episodes were excellent, up to the point where the CDC was introduced. Then it went to Shitsville. No more action sequences like that. Storytelling. That’s what makes a zombie show great.

Now it’s time to buy the graphic novels and see how things really went down.

It appears we have come to an impasse. You, dear food item, have had a transcendental realization: that you may have too much salt in or on you. I have come to a similar realization: that I, too, may have too much salt in or on me. Thus, we both enter introspective negotiations, you, with your earnest decision to reduce your sodium, and me, with my acknowledgment of, well, gout, I suppose. And kidney stones? Is that how that works?

Either way, here we currently sit, Food Item, confused and frightened, desperately wanting to hold each other but at the same time worried, anxious, maybe a little depressed. Maybe a little … let down. People, people add salt to everything, right? They add salt to already salty things. They would sprinkle salt on a salt lick for chrissakes if it was being licked by horses, with their disgusting germy horse tongues. But here you are, removed of all but a simple touch of salt. And here I am, ready to head down a terrible path, a path wherein “pass the salt” becomes a taboo as dire as Japanese pubic hair.

What do we do? Do I eat you? I am afraid, but curious. Do things taste the same with less salt? How would we know? We are a gluttonous country; when we eat Chinese food, it is not truly the food that Chinese people eat, and they know it, and we know it, and they put MSG in it because they know we are addicted to MSG. There are some things that taste good without salt, to me at least: corn on the cob. Potatoes. Ice cream. However, if you put salt on them — copious, copious amounts of salt, maybe some butter, sour cream, a dollop of lard — they leave the mortal plane of Food and enter the astral plane of Delicious. Not the ice cream though. Let’s leave ice cream out of this. I’m sorry I even brought it up.

The point being, I just ate a sleeve of you, specifically Ritz crackers with a “hint of salt,” and let me say — no. You don’t taste like Ritz. You taste like Shitz. YES I WENT THERE. I went there and I built a hammock, and now I’m resting and wearing sunglasses there. But really. Really? I’ve had the Lays potato chips with a hint of salt, and you know what? They taste great! They taste BETTER than the original Lays. I don’t feel like my taste buds have been scraped off when I eat the hint of salt Lays. But these Ritz! Why? I have three more sleeves to eat! And I will eat them, oh yes, but why? Why do you taste so wrong?

Also afterwards I went to lunch at the Greek deli and ate really salty french fries. Will I ever learn?

Sincerely,
Josh

It is February (or Febyewary for those of you too lazy to pronounce things correctly), and I am swamped.  The show that I’ve been rehearsing since January has finally opened.  I think this Twitter post sums up the night:

First show done! The audience was drunk and I finally realized how much of a villain I am! Eeeexcellent

Our opening night house¹ was bought by some special interest group called Just Portland.  They imbibed copious amounts of wine and had what I can only imagine was the worst/most awkward talkback ever (talkbacks are usually held after the show, to talk about the show — this one was before the show, and lord knows what they talked about.  The weather?).  They were nice and sauced when we came on stage.  Regarding the “villain” part … well I could clearly tell within the first couple of scenes that no one was buying my shit whatsoever.  It threw me for a second — I started to wonder, “Are they laughing at my acting or because I’m such a bastard?”  This was around scene 3; by the second act I knew they were laughing because they were drunk and weren’t putting up with my nonsense.  I realized, then, that I was the villain in this play.

I should state, too, that they weren’t laughing all of the time — it’s just the laughter that threw me off at first.  There are some genuinely funny parts in the play, but most of the laughter was the snide kind that you hear from someone who thinks you’re a total asshole.

It’s great cause it means I can let go –I have my own feelings about my character, about how I’m “misguided” but a good person inherently, but you know what?  People aren’t going to see that.  I’m doing my best to keep as far away from melodrama as possible, but the truth is that I’m a villain and a hypocrit.  And that’s that.

So that’s what I’m doing with my weekend.  Besides tweeting about random stuff I do during the day, of course.  Oh, and I guess my picture was in the Oregonian’s lifestyle section on Thursday, which would mark the first time my face has ever been in a major newspaper, unless you count that time I raped those kids.  But that was the front page, baby.

As for FAWM, I’m still working on it.  I plan on recording stuff on the days (nights, really) when I’m not doing the show.  And on the weekend.  My other projects are still very active — Test Comic will come back this Monday, FAWM is still a go (I just restrung my guitars!).  Umm … if I get a chance I will play my FAWM songs at an open mic somewhere.  You know, cool stuff like that.  Oh, and the website work is still in progress.  joshuabelville.com is pretty much done except for small pages.  Now I just have to redesign zornog.net… it’ll take time.

So that’s that!  I will try to update this more often now, but I suggest that you follow me on Twitter if you haven’t already, because I update a lot more there (especially if I’m out and about).  This is primarily because I have no friends and am a la-hoo-se-herr.

10. Amanda Palmer – Who Killed Amanda Palmer?

9. Ben Folds – Way to Normal

8. Final Fantasy – Pays to Please EP / Spectrum, 14th Century EP

7. Vampire Weekend – s/t

6. Lykke Li – Youth Novels

5. Hercules & Love Affair – s/t

4. The Mountain Goats – Heretic Pride / Black Pear Tree EP / Satanic Messiah EP

3. M83 – Saturdays = Youth

2. Fleet Foxes – s/t / Sun Giant EP

1. The Dodos – Visiter

Completely demolishes all of the terrible videos I’ve watched on the internet in the past couple of days.

And that’s that story.

he likes to play bass

I think I’m going to start direct linking my brother’s radio show on my blog.  He records it on Saturdays at noon here (PST) right in our basement.  He is incredibly lucky to have gotten this show; he won it as part of a contest to find the “next progressive star” on Air America.  It’s syndicated on KPOJ here in Portland (Sundays at 8-10am), and on XM radio (live 12-2 PST), and you can listen to it on his website, radicalruss.com.  It’s a great listen and a great addition to your podcast arsenal.

So here you go!  The show for yesterday!

link to segments on the show

Thank god, too, I was worried I wouldn’t write a final song.  I was getting kind of sick of writing depressing breakup songs, haha.  I got some good songs out of it, though!  Especially “Refrigerator.”  I think that’s a keeper.

Anyway, check the page above for the whole tracklist, which you can download and keep on your computer forever and ever if you wish.  I think it’s a nice nine-song demo, myself.

OH GOD IT'S SO CUTE

MY EYES ARE BURNING FROM CUTE