Take a deep breath folks, have a seat, bring a glass of wine, because this is going to be a big one.
Before I begin, you have prerequisite reading: The Empty Spaces, or, How Theatre Failed America, an essay from the Seattle Stranger by Mike Daisey. You must read this before you continue. Don’t worry, I can wait.
…
Ready? Okay. Continue reading
Occasionally I like to make fun of CNN.com. Usually when they make typos, but also if they post silly-looking articles. So I was happy to see this right on the frontpage of the site:
Shakespeare ebonics?
Does that sentence make any sense whatsoever? I get what they’re trying to do but it just looks stupid. It looks like stupid, bad English. I mean, let’s say they conjugated “to be” in this sentence. Then it becomes “Is portrait being or not being only of Shakespeare?” Which quite frankly sounds like something I would read in a Russian spam e-mail.
Again, I get the implications, but it just doesn’t work, CNN.com. Sorry. And judging from this picture you appear to be making Shaksey blush a little bit.
Actually, you know what’s weird?
SHAKESPEARE LOOKS KINDA LIKE TIM ROTH! Especially the eyes. Whoa.
Whew! What a month. Doing a show every weekend and participating in February Album Writing Month… it was pretty hectic.
You can listen to my FAWM output here: http://www.fawm.org/fawmers/zornog/ I think I did really well this year. My songs are starting to find their niche — mostly pop/folk stuff, with some straight up rock thrown in there for good measure.
In a couple of days I will update the FAWM tab above to include an annotation of the songs, how I wrote them, what they’re about, etc. Stay tuned for that.
Now, as for the show … I had mentioned in various cryptic Twitter messages that the show was getting kind of crazy. I said I was going to blog about it, but after thinking about it for a while, I’ve decided that I won’t talk about what happened. I owe everyone in that show a huge debt of gratitude for ushering me into the Portland theatre scene, and while not everything worked out perfectly, it was still a great experience and I appreciate everyone who I worked with. Plus it’s just unprofessional and childish to write about things like that. It wasn’t even anything serious, really. No murders or extravagant gossip. Sorry to burst your bubble.
So: what now? Good question! I plan on spending some time building up my monologue collection for future auditions. Tangential sidenote: I went to Powell’s on Sunday for the sole purpose of purchasing a book of monologues1 and ended up buying The Confusing, System of the World, and Cryptonomicon, all in trade paperback, for $8 bucks each, thus completing my Baroque Cycle collection. My reading year is complete! Anyway, the point of this sidenote is that monologue books suck. I’ll have to make a second trip but really the whole ordeal made my brain hurt. There’s a lot of new plays out there that I have yet to read, and having to choose one or two is difficult. I wanted to just grab Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and be done with it, but I knew I should be more discerning with my play choices2.
NEXT ITEM!
My hair is currently dark brownish because of Perfection. I have the option of dyeing it again, or letting it grow out to it’s natural color. Which do you prefer?
This:
Original color.
Or this:
nnndarkdarkdark
Please note that that is not the greatest picture of me (the second one, I mean). I do look a bit “cadaverous” as my friend Emily put it. It’s just the glare from the computer screen, though. I think it looks pretty good myself.
This is gonna be a long post, I reckon, to make up for all the short updates I’ve been doing. It feels good to be writing again!
1. The Twitter Stripper.
A week or two ago I was walking to the bus stop from work, when I passed a young, attractive punk-ish looking girl walking a tiny dog and getting stuff out of her van. She wore black tights and leopard-skin bike shorts, and a big leather jacket and a “fuck you” sneer on her face. Needless to say, I was in love. As I passed by I wondered if she lived at the house next to us — an older looking brown house with Halloween decorations (tombstones, spiderwebs, etc) still affixed to the front lawn. It seemed like a perfect fit. But, alas, my poor social skills forbade me to talk to her. Besides, she might punch me in the face or something. She probably has a Billy Idol shrine in her closet.
So I passed her by.
The next day, on Twitter, I see this tweet from PDXPipeline:
Just saw Portland’s favorite exotic dancer, Malice,walking her mini Dobermans outside Creme. New hair color http://twitpic.com/1bge0
I, being a fan of pretty ladies, clicked the link. And guess who it is? It’s the punk lady from the other day! Crazy hair and leather jacket and all. I knew there was more to her than meets the eye (or less, I suppose, once she gets on stage…).
This led me to the following thought: What would I say to this woman if she was giving me a lapdance? I’ve always been the Embarrassed Guy at the strip club (and I’ve only been to a strip club once, so we’re talking 100% success rate1), and all I could imagine was how I’d try to work in that I knew she was a stripper from Twitter. Something like this:
SCENE: Strip club. JOSH, sitting in a chair in a private booth. MALICE enters, fully nude. She clutches a twenty dollar bill in her teeth.
MALICE. One of your friends bought you a lapdance, huh?
JOSH. It appears so.
MALICE. Gotcha.
She plops down on JOSH’S lap, begins to grind slowly.
A beat.
JOSH. So, how are you?
MALICE. I’m good, baby. How are you feeling?
JOSH. I’m fine.
MALICE. Are you ready for me?
JOSH. Uh … yes?
MALICE. Good.
Beat. MALICE is lapdancing, JOSH is looking awkward. He feels he must initiate some form of conversation, so that he can rise above the “average” lapdance receiver: the grimy dude with his front teeth missing or the fat trucker with the wicked mustache. So:
JOSH. You know, it’s funny…
MALICE. What?
JOSH. You live across the street from where I work.
MALICE. Oh yeah?
JOSH. Yeah.
MALICE. That’s not very funny.
JOSH. I didn’t mean funny “ha ha,” I meant funny strange. But not strange strange, I mean–
MALICE (puts a finger to his lips). Shhhhh..
She continues to writhe on JOSH’S body, making all kinds of noises that would turn a regular man on. But JOSH is no regular man — he is a socially awkward nerd.
JOSH. I saw you on Twitter.
MALICE (sighs). What?
JOSH. I mean, I saw you at my work, right, but then later on I saw you on Twitter. That’s how I knew you were a stripper.
MALICE. What’s Twitter?
JOSH. It’s a social networking site. Like blogging, but only 140 character. Microblogging, they call it.
Beat.
MALICE. Your time is up.
The end.
And that’s how I assume that would go.
2. The Introvert’s Penmanship
All of these stories, by the way, are linked by Twitter.
And this isn’t really a story, it’s just a theory I had while working today. Basically, my theory is that introverted people have bad handwriting, and extroverted people have good handwriting. Why? Because introverts don’t need attention from others. The most typical introvert characteristic is that they (we, I should say, I’m pretty introverted) feel drained after being around people for an extended period of time, while extroverts feel energized. Penmanship, I believe, is something that reflects this introvert/extrovert characteristic, because writing is ultimately viewed by other people. Introverts can’t be bothered to write well, I guess, is my ultimate point. Extroverts WANT to write well so that it (and they) look good to others, but introverts don’t care, because interaction with people isn’t important to them.
Something like that. The idea makes sense in my head, but the English language is lacking the words I need to express myself, heh.
3. The Pale-Faced Play Review
Perfection, the play I am currently in, has been featured in the Oregonian twice: once as a story about the meaning of the show itself, and now as a review. I can’t really tell if the reviewer enjoyed the play or not — he says it ventures too close to “melodrama” and is “emotionally overwrought,” both of which aren’t untrue, necessarily (the play deals with a heavy subject), but he doesn’t specifically say that those detract from the show itself. He insinuates it, of course, and insinuation is the reviewer’s best friend — the ability to say you hate something without saying outright that you hate it.
I don’t generally pay attention to play reviews. I know actors say this a lot, and while I will admit that I think it kicks ass when I get a good review, I don’t get all distraught if I get a bad one. I can tell if I’m in a bad show, and I’ve been in a couple2.
But in this review the guy said I was “intriguing” but looked “ghoulish” with my stage makeup and the stage lighting. I guess this must’ve distracted him from my acting ability. All I can think is that he added the “stage lighting” part because he must’ve realized, at some point in writing the review, that I can’t not be pale, and so he blamed it on something else. My makeup can’t save my paleness; it has to be the same shade as my face or else it looks like I got a terrible fake tan.
Anyway, it just bugged me because this is my first show and the review for the show is that my makeup/the lighting sucks. All the other castmates (save for Alex and Brian, who didn’t even get mentioned — what gives?!) got glowing reviews, but Josh is a pasty ghoul. Le sigh. I’m not planning on tanning any time soon, dude.
Helen, the playwright, is worried that the review will lower ticket sales, so we’re not sure if we’ll be playing past this Sunday. Honestly, the reviewer’s stance on the play itself is merited — it is a little melodramatic, but I don’t know what else it could be. It’s about sterilization of people, for Chrissakes! That’s a tragic thing, and this is a tragic play.
I guess we’ll see what happens this weekend. If you’re in Portland, you should come see the show! Here’s the website for more details.
And now to work on Test Comic comics and FAWM songs!
As an intrepid and inspired Martin Lawrence once said, “This shit just got real.”
It is February (or Febyewary for those of you too lazy to pronounce things correctly), and I am swamped. The show that I’ve been rehearsing since January has finally opened. I think this Twitter post sums up the night:
First show done! The audience was drunk and I finally realized how much of a villain I am! Eeeexcellent
Our opening night house1 was bought by some special interest group called Just Portland. They imbibed copious amounts of wine and had what I can only imagine was the worst/most awkward talkback ever (talkbacks are usually held after the show, to talk about the show — this one was before the show, and lord knows what they talked about. The weather?). They were nice and sauced when we came on stage. Regarding the “villain” part … well I could clearly tell within the first couple of scenes that no one was buying my shit whatsoever. It threw me for a second — I started to wonder, “Are they laughing at my acting or because I’m such a bastard?” This was around scene 3; by the second act I knew they were laughing because they were drunk and weren’t putting up with my nonsense. I realized, then, that I was the villain in this play.
I should state, too, that they weren’t laughing all of the time — it’s just the laughter that threw me off at first. There are some genuinely funny parts in the play, but most of the laughter was the snide kind that you hear from someone who thinks you’re a total asshole.
It’s great cause it means I can let go –I have my own feelings about my character, about how I’m “misguided” but a good person inherently, but you know what? People aren’t going to see that. I’m doing my best to keep as far away from melodrama as possible, but the truth is that I’m a villain and a hypocrit. And that’s that.
So that’s what I’m doing with my weekend. Besides tweeting about random stuff I do during the day, of course. Oh, and I guess my picture was in the Oregonian’s lifestyle section on Thursday, which would mark the first time my face has ever been in a major newspaper, unless you count that time I raped those kids. But that was the front page, baby.
As for FAWM, I’m still working on it. I plan on recording stuff on the days (nights, really) when I’m not doing the show. And on the weekend. My other projects are still very active — Test Comic will come back this Monday, FAWM is still a go (I just restrung my guitars!). Umm … if I get a chance I will play my FAWM songs at an open mic somewhere. You know, cool stuff like that. Oh, and the website work is still in progress. joshuabelville.com is pretty much done except for small pages. Now I just have to redesign zornog.net… it’ll take time.
So that’s that! I will try to update this more often now, but I suggest that you follow me on Twitter if you haven’t already, because I update a lot more there (especially if I’m out and about). This is primarily because I have no friends and am a la-hoo-se-herr.