Ever since I learned that I could sign into my AIM account through Gmail, I have done so with great happiness — because it meant I never had to download AIM or Trillian ever again.  Thus ended a long legacy of being dependent on stupid IM programs for conversation.  I’ve had them all, and I’ve hated them all, to the point that for a couple of years I didn’t talk to anyone on IM ever.

The problem with that being, now that I have AIM again, I don’t remember half of the people on my contact list.  Sorry dudez.

Anyway, the real reason I decided to waste five minutes of your time by posting this blog entry was because I suddenly have around fifty chatbots on my AIM account.  I never asked for these bots to be my friends.  They just showed up, and I don’t know how to get rid of them (on Gmail, at least).  One of these chatbots is called GossipinGabby.  You might think that GossipinGabby delivers insightful and profound philosophical quotes from revered texts, but nay, ye would be wrong.  Instead, GossipinGabby put stuff like this on her status update:

the future of america

I … but … how does this … who? …

First off, something tells me that this AIM name used to be Gossiping Abby.  But then as the years went by some genius went, “Wait a minute … Gabby!  It sounds like gabbing!  Women love to gab!”  and the name was changed.  Very clever, AIM.  Very clever.

But, okay.  Can I get a raise of hands on how many people have peed on their date’s lap?  Anyone?  Anyone at all?  First date, second date, anything?  And in what fucked up, drunken debauchery situation must you get into for this to happen?  And … I mean … think of the logistics of it!  For a woman it’s easy, but for a dude?  He must be facing you and … straddling you or something!  It’s nearly impossible!

This obviously is some cruel joke to find out how many people will type PEED into their chat window.  Gabby will log all of this information and send it to a group of people who will do nothing more than laugh at it, as they light their cigars with $100 bills.

There are other things that make me laugh about this.  The random capitalizaion of “Dates”, the three exclamation marks, the all caps PEED not once but twice, the mysterious “luvs B…” at the end of Gabby’s screen name.  I can only assume it says “Butts.”

Thank you, AIM, for being stupid.

UPDATE: What the fuck, Gabby!

This is just uncalled for!