I went looking for some tumblr confirmation bias in the jian tag after writing a post of my own, and wow, yours sums up exactly how I feel (all of it, except I would swap out “Dave” with “Murray” ahah), down to thinking about the song Fly and its intro. I keep thinking about it. I remember distinctly one show (perhaps multiple) where he said “it’s about the last time you have sex” and it made me irrationally mad at him THEN for perving it up/ruining it. Anyway, I just had to share. Good post.

Hey, thanks for your reply! It’s good to commiserate with fellow Fruvous fans about this. It’s funny that you mention this — I didn’t talk about it in my post because I’m still grappling with whether it is hindsight or not, but I got this sense after the news came out that was like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle being put together in my head, the sense being that Jian was kind of Weird with Women. Now this is coming from a guy who lived in Idaho and, as I appended in my last post, was probably the only person in Idaho in the mid to late 90s who even knew who Moxy Fruvous was. So I didn’t have access to him like the east coast of Canada and New England did and couldn’t judge this up front. But even secluded on the western side of the continent, I felt that maybe Jian had some lady issues, and so I guess when he posted on Facebook about being into BDSM, I was like, “For some reason that does not surprise me.”

After the assault cases started popping up, I was significantly more surprised, but every time I think about it it makes me think of “Sad Girl” for some reason. I dunno. It’s hard to describe. Which is why I worry that it might just be hindsight.

Anyway, it sucks. Dave is still my favorite. I was never a huge Murray fan, but I always appreciated the particular quirkiness of his songs. I’m actually really glad that each one of them is a talented musician and that their band was a collaborative process, because I don’t feel bad listening to them now, as for every Jian song there are multiple Dave, Mike, or Murray songs. But I don’t know if I can ever listen to “Fly” the same way again.

disappointment

I just have to write about this, if only a little bit.

http://www.nothinginwinnipeg.com/2014/10/do-you-know-about-jian/

The Jian Ghomeshi stuff is depressing as fuck. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed his band Moxy Fruvous when I was younger, how much joy and fun they put into my life, how their music honestly changed how I viewed music. How they are a defining band of my maturation, along with The Decemberists and Radiohead and The Mountain Goats. And one of my favorite Moxy Fruvous songs of all time, “Fly,” is one written by Jian. In the live version, he describes the song as being about “the moment when you realize that someone you really love, that you really care for, when you both realize that you’re .. not right for each other. And this song is about that feeling.”

It became one of a long list of Sad Songs that I would play on repeat in order to diffuse whatever particular depression stuck to my bones that day. These songs tended to be about breakups, or lack of love, or nonsense like that, and in high school I was so far away from the concept of love I might as well have been asexual. I don’t mean that derogatorily, it was just the truth, I never dated, never really had a crush that went anywhere. Was a loner (or loser, depending on how I felt) who hid in my basement and played video games and wrote stories and talked to people on the internet.

“Fly” really resonated with me back then. And listening to it now, there is a memory of it that still resonates. But now it feels tainted. I can’t say that Jian was the same physically abusive person he is today — from what I’ve read, the abuse reports begin in 2003, so who knows if anyone was abused by him prior to that — but I can’t listen to this song the same way anymore, and that sucks. And that’s Jian’s fault for being an abusive fuck.

I understand my feelings on this are trivial compared to the physical violence those poor women had to endure at the hands of this guy, not to mention the myriad women who have endured his creepy behavior. And when Owen Pallett writes on Facebook that Jian was his friend and that Jian beats women, I mean, it’s fucking Owen Pallett.

So. Yeah. Fuck Jian Ghomeshi. Fuck Jian Ghomeshi. My only respite is that at least Moxy Fruvous has three other members who also sang and performed (and that Dave Matheson was clearly the best of them anyway).

This coupled with that fucking kid who sawed off his MOTHER’S HEAD, plus a bunch of bullshit in my neck of the woods with people being big turds, it’s all a huge disappointment this week. :

[Oh, just to add: I felt especially close to this band as they were from Ontario, CA and I was probably the only person in Idaho at the time, much less the northwest, who even knew about them. They were my little awesome secret.]

the transition, pt 2

I’ve decided to reorganize and consolidate my online self. In a strange, perhaps ironic twist, I’ve decided that this means moving my website to Tumblr, or, in other words, making my main site a Tumblr. It just looks better. My knowledge of web design hearkens back to the Dark Ages, when people built <table>s instead of <div>s and CSS was some kind of new age bullshit. Back when gifs were inefficient and everyone watched .movs instead of .mkvs. The truth is that I can’t design worth shit, but lots of other people can, and I’d rather use their services than waste my own time.

So, I’m back on Tumblr. Expect a re-following soon.

joshbelville.com will also become the domain name for this site, and it will function as my website. All writing and other stuff like that will be hosted on a Google site, because the file sizes are small and I need a place for it to be.

I will write primarily on this site and occasionally post “podcasts” which will be lord knows what. I won’t reblog a ton, mostly because since I like to create I want to share my own creations first. I’ll probably also put up some Instagram photos because who doesn’t love Instagram.

Hi. Good to see you again.

i leave fun notes at work

“[Bookkeeper] gave me a Not to Exceed check on 10/1/14 to pay for certified docs for another of [client]’s arrests. I went down to the courthouse today and got them. The NTE check was for $20 but the costs came out to $21, so I gave them a dollar for the copies. [other bookkeeper] said she’d reimburse me, and I said okay, because I really need that dollar.”