Hello blog.  I’ve been lax in updating you and the reason is simple: I’m cheating on you with Tumblr.  Blog, you’re great, but we’ve been together for so long that things were starting to get … stale.  So one night, in a drunken stupor, I stumbled over to Tumblr and said, “Baby, you got great legs.”  The rest is history.  And for a while now we’ve been fucking like rabbits.  And it’s been great.  The sex has been … really great.  Life changing, really.  And it’s so simple: text, photo, audio, video, it’s all right there, like a rack of your favorite sex toys just waiting to be used¹.

So why did I come back?  There is a long, complicated answer to that question, and there is also a really short, ridiculous answer.

I’ll give you the short, ridiculous answer:

I want to, nay, need to write a blog about my t-shirts.

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(my apologies for not updating my blog as much as i would prefer. i haven’t been very interesting lately, i must admit.  i will write a blog about FAWM later.)

Anyway, is there really any difference between imagination and reality? How do you know?

This is a really fun question to think about. I have a couple theories. There’s this idea in quantum physics that there are an infinite number of parallel universes that mirror our own. If that’s the case, then there is no difference between imagination and reality, because infinity implies everything; that is, if it can be imagined, then there is a universe in which it exists (think rule 34 but for the universe). So there is a universe where unicorns exist, a universe where Rush Limbaugh is a decent fellow, and a universe where you are the opposite gender that you are currently.

Moreso, my belief is that if you can imagine these things, then you are not really imagining, but tapping into those alternate realities. So when you imagine a unicorn, you’re actually linked with a parallel universe in which unicorns exist.

Of course, this really nerfs the idea of imagination, but I don’t mind. I like the concept of all things existing at all times, but us being only fixed into one thing at one time, probably because that’s all our consciousness will allow. I suppose when we die we ascend to a new level of consciousness where we can perceive all realities at once. This also relates to the theory of our “soul” being energy, and our energy transferring into all things when we die. It’s just that we transcend the third dimension at that point — we become space AND time, and perhaps much more.

So, in theory, death could be the merging of ALL consciousness, of those who died at least. As much as I enjoy having my own identity, the idea of being a part of Everything seems incredibly cool, too.

This also relates to the idea of “Heaven/Hell,” or reward or punishment for our earthly deeds — that is, when we are alive, we are striving for this higher consciousness that potentially awaits us in death. HOW we strive to achieve that is what religion becomes: a system of dogma and guidelines for preparing your soul for the afterlife, for the acceptance of higher consciousness. If we do not prepare our souls, then we do not achieve this higher consciousness (Heaven) and we become … nothing? (Purgatory) or something worse (Hell).

Ahhhh, I fuckin love this stuff!

Formspring is a website where people ask you anonymous questions and you answer them.  For some it’s a place to be funny, but for me, apparently, it’s become my True Calling; people have been asking me all kinds of Serious Shit.  So I figured since I don’t update this enough, I will post some answers I’ve given to questions.  I think this one is a good start because it might as well be a blog post all its own.

Also if you want to ask questions, do not hesitate!  I answer every single one of them.  http://www.formspring.me/zornog

Oh yeah I have that little widget to the left too I forgot about that.  Anyway!

how do you deal with loss?

I tend to get very stoic. This is a trait, I think, that I inherited from my mother. I’ve been very lucky in that not very many people close to me have died, save for my grandpa and grandma. My grandpa Jack had a very unexpected stroke when I was young. Jack was a busy guy, he owned horses and a small ranch, and was always working. He had served in WWII as an engineer in Australia, building bridges. He severed the tip of one of his fingers and I remember he had what looked to me to be a bit of bone that stuck out of his finger. I always thought that was awesome.

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jello puddin pops

Here is a picture of me from New Years Eve.  The caption is there because sometimes, in the right light, I look like I’m doing a Bill Cosby impression.

Here are a few updates from my life:

1. I have started running.  By “started” I mean I literally started today; I ran/walked for about 20 minutes.  I have started a blog about this, and you can read it here: Josh Goes A’Running.  I won’t write about it here, though.  This blog is for self-deprecation and my strange mental patterns.

2. February Album Writing Month is next month (obviously), and I am participating.  I suggest that if you want to listen to the songs I create, you head to my profile there, as I am not going to update my blog about it, because that just seems redundant.  Also, if you are a songwriter or have ever wanted to be a songwriter, I suggest you sign up!  It’s an amazing community full of professionals and amateurs (and people like me, somewhere in the middle), who are all extremely helpful and kind.  It’s almost annoying how nice they are!  If you do sign up, say hello on my soundboard thingy and I will certainly listen or read your stuff!

3. I’m thinking about dumping the joshuabelville.com website.  This will be done because it seems awkward to run two completely separate websites, when all of the good stuff is here on this site.  My new plan is to merge the webspace together (as I had separated it earlier) and just forward joshbelville.com to zornog.net, or perhaps to a subdomain on zornog.net.  What do you think?  Do you even give a shit?¹

4. There is no four.

I said that I would update this blog more and I have been lax about even that, and I apologize.  Truth is, not much is going on in my life right now besides working and watching every episode of 30 Rock on Netflix.  C’est la vie!

It’s 2010.  I would have to say that 2009 was a lot of things to me.  It was freedom, and yet more ensnarement.  It was love and it was loss.  I gained new friends, found new places, heard new bands, and every day was one day pulling at my roots to Boise.  And now it’s 2010 and when I look back at 2009 I don’t have much to show for it.  I’m still working at THCF, I spend my days working and my nights doing little.  Too much internet, not enough creativity.  My love life ground to a halt, and this year has been spent searching for some kind of ideal woman that doesn’t exist.  My professional ideals, music and acting, are nonexistent.  I did that show in February and have pretty much lost all connections I made from it.  I spend a lot of my time holed up in my room playing video games.  I don’t remember which ex-girlfriend of mine said that video games were horrible because they kept you from living your life¹, but it seems to be ringing true here.

So let’s talk about resolutions.  What I resolve to do in this year.  I looked at my resolutions for 2009 and I’ve failed every single one of them.  It’s never been that bad before.  I don’t know what happened, but by becoming less rooted in Boise, I have become more introverted in Portland.

I really only have two resolutions: work out and rock out.  The work out part is self-explanatory: I, like every other unhealthy person in America, am going to attempt to get back into shape.  Right now this is difficult because I have no desire to do this whatsoever.  Quite the opposite — I want to drink soda and eat burgers all day.  Some say people battle depression by drinking alcohol, but for me it’s soda.  In a way it’s good because it means I don’t get to become an alcoholic, but it’s also dangerous because I’ll get diabetes.  So, yeah.

The rock out part is just a funny way of saying I’m going to try and play more music, whether it be live or not.  I really haven’t been feeling creative lately, and it sucks.

I also resolve to update this blog more often, which could be dangerous because I don’t do anything blog-worthy.  Unless you want entries about how good Bioshock is², then maybe a few blogs a month is good enough.

I’m not going to go into detail about why I feel shitty.  That’s the stuff of LiveJournals and other locked away journals.  This blog is about the good stuff going on in my life, stuff that people want to read about.  So I should probably just delete this entry and move along.

But I won’t.  Cause I promised I’d update.

Happy New Year, everybody.